Friday, September 29, 2006

Same routine, different day...

I have the most boring life. Every day it's the same routine, day in and day out. I can't escape it. When I go to bed I'm glad that the day is over and I can rest, but kind of depressed cuz I know I have to wake up in the morning and do the same thing all over again. It feels so unproductive. I wake up usually 2 times a night to feed the baby, around 3am and 6am, up for at least 1/2hr each time. 6:45 am alarm goes off, DH hits snooze a couple times (waking me up each time) and finally gets up around 7 and heads to work. Some days I try to sleep a bit longer but doesn't usually work. So I get up and get dressed. If I'm lucky I can eat breakfast and read email before the boys wake up, but that's only half the time. So my day starts, I take care of kids, I eat, the boys nap at 1pm for a few hours, I go water the grass, do dishes and pick up a bit, the boys wake up, I take care of them, DH gets home around 6pm and I make dinner, then we chill out watching TV/playing on the computer until about 10pm when we all go to bed. All of that is interspersed every few hours with nursing. And then it starts all over again. Every single day. Nonstop. No breaks. No days where I can just lay in bed and not have to worry about doing anything. Even if I don't feel well I still have to get up and take care of my kids. I do love being a stay-at-home mom and don't mind taking care of the kids, but I feel stuck, like I'm going nowhere. The world keeps moving, turning every day, people are always getting things done and changing. But I'm just stuck in an endless loop doing the same thing every day, not really getting anywhere.

Maybe I need to go back to school so I can feel like I'm going somewhere. I have never liked school but at least it would a change, a challenge I'd have to keep working at. But even in school I'm stuck. I have changed my major 3 times in 3 years, I have lots of credits that will get me no degree. I just have a hard time putting that much effort into something I don't really want to do.

I don't know why I'm writing this, it's just depressing. I'm actually in a pretty good mood today, the kids aren't being too bad, and besides needing a nap and some chocolate I feel fine lol. Mmmm, chocolate. Chocolate makes anything better :D I think I should make some cookies. The smell of baking cookies always makes my day 100% better. Maybe after I get the dishes done, then I can eat cookies and relax while the boys sleep. Ah, that would be nice!


Bethanny said...

I totally hear you, Kara. It's hard not to get into a rut, huh? And there's so many moments I just feel like I'd like one day to just rest and catch up. Sometimes motherhood feels like marathon running. It's hard to feel like every step is getting you closer to the finish, but it does.

Hope you made those cookies or did something else fun; doing something different like that always shakes up my day, makes it a little better.

Oh, and BTW, I like reading your blog! You are a great writer.

Michelle said...

Oh Kara, I'm sorry you feel in a rut. It's really hard when you do the same thing day in and day out. That's what GNO's are for. ;) If you ever wanted to take just one class or pick up a hobby, I would watch your boys for you. Anything I can do to help. I'd give you some chocolate if I had some. *HUG* Let me know if you need something, anything at all.

Kate said...

I'm sorry that you feel that life is passing you by . . . I'd take Michelle up on that offer to watch your boys . . . and find a fun class to do . . . or make monthly GNOs (real life ones) a priority if you can . . . those have saved my sanity and reminded me who Kate is . . .
You need to remember who Kara is . . . beyond being a wife and mother! *HUGS*