I have the most boring life. Every day it's the same routine, day in and day out. I can't escape it. When I go to bed I'm glad that the day is over and I can rest, but kind of depressed cuz I know I have to wake up in the morning and do the same thing all over again. It feels so unproductive. I wake up usually 2 times a night to feed the baby, around 3am and 6am, up for at least 1/2hr each time. 6:45 am alarm goes off, DH hits snooze a couple times (waking me up each time) and finally gets up around 7 and heads to work. Some days I try to sleep a bit longer but doesn't usually work. So I get up and get dressed. If I'm lucky I can eat breakfast and read email before the boys wake up, but that's only half the time. So my day starts, I take care of kids, I eat, the boys nap at 1pm for a few hours, I go water the grass, do dishes and pick up a bit, the boys wake up, I take care of them, DH gets home around 6pm and I make dinner, then we chill out watching TV/playing on the computer until about 10pm when we all go to bed. All of that is interspersed every few hours with nursing. And then it starts all over again. Every single day. Nonstop. No breaks. No days where I can just lay in bed and not have to worry about doing anything. Even if I don't feel well I still have to get up and take care of my kids. I do love being a stay-at-home mom and don't mind taking care of the kids, but I feel stuck, like I'm going nowhere. The world keeps moving, turning every day, people are always getting things done and changing. But I'm just stuck in an endless loop doing the same thing every day, not really getting anywhere.
Maybe I need to go back to school so I can feel like I'm going somewhere. I have never liked school but at least it would a change, a challenge I'd have to keep working at. But even in school I'm stuck. I have changed my major 3 times in 3 years, I have lots of credits that will get me no degree. I just have a hard time putting that much effort into something I don't really want to do.
I don't know why I'm writing this, it's just depressing. I'm actually in a pretty good mood today, the kids aren't being too bad, and besides needing a nap and some chocolate I feel fine lol. Mmmm, chocolate. Chocolate makes anything better :D I think I should make some cookies. The smell of baking cookies always makes my day 100% better. Maybe after I get the dishes done, then I can eat cookies and relax while the boys sleep. Ah, that would be nice!