Friday, September 29, 2006

Same routine, different day...

I have the most boring life. Every day it's the same routine, day in and day out. I can't escape it. When I go to bed I'm glad that the day is over and I can rest, but kind of depressed cuz I know I have to wake up in the morning and do the same thing all over again. It feels so unproductive. I wake up usually 2 times a night to feed the baby, around 3am and 6am, up for at least 1/2hr each time. 6:45 am alarm goes off, DH hits snooze a couple times (waking me up each time) and finally gets up around 7 and heads to work. Some days I try to sleep a bit longer but doesn't usually work. So I get up and get dressed. If I'm lucky I can eat breakfast and read email before the boys wake up, but that's only half the time. So my day starts, I take care of kids, I eat, the boys nap at 1pm for a few hours, I go water the grass, do dishes and pick up a bit, the boys wake up, I take care of them, DH gets home around 6pm and I make dinner, then we chill out watching TV/playing on the computer until about 10pm when we all go to bed. All of that is interspersed every few hours with nursing. And then it starts all over again. Every single day. Nonstop. No breaks. No days where I can just lay in bed and not have to worry about doing anything. Even if I don't feel well I still have to get up and take care of my kids. I do love being a stay-at-home mom and don't mind taking care of the kids, but I feel stuck, like I'm going nowhere. The world keeps moving, turning every day, people are always getting things done and changing. But I'm just stuck in an endless loop doing the same thing every day, not really getting anywhere.

Maybe I need to go back to school so I can feel like I'm going somewhere. I have never liked school but at least it would a change, a challenge I'd have to keep working at. But even in school I'm stuck. I have changed my major 3 times in 3 years, I have lots of credits that will get me no degree. I just have a hard time putting that much effort into something I don't really want to do.

I don't know why I'm writing this, it's just depressing. I'm actually in a pretty good mood today, the kids aren't being too bad, and besides needing a nap and some chocolate I feel fine lol. Mmmm, chocolate. Chocolate makes anything better :D I think I should make some cookies. The smell of baking cookies always makes my day 100% better. Maybe after I get the dishes done, then I can eat cookies and relax while the boys sleep. Ah, that would be nice!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Birthday Boy!

My little boy turns 2 today! Where did the time go?! One day he was a baby and overnight he turned into an independent little boy. I don't know whether I'm happy or sad, I guess a little bit of both. I'm happy to see him growing and learning and all, but sad that the older he gets the less he will need his mommy. In a few years he'll go off to school, then he'll turn into a teenager who wants nothing to do with me, then he'll go off and get married and have babies of his own and I'll look back and wonder again where the time went.

We aren't doing anything special today, but we are having a small party for him on Saturday. My husband's family is coming and my friend and her little girls too. My family can't make it, but we are planning to go see them next weekend.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Definitely a Monday

What is it about Mondays? They just seem so much more hectic than the average weekday. I do the same thing Mondays as I do most every day but for some reason they make me want to crawl back in bed. The kids are wilder, the house is messier, and it feels like the day will last forever. Is it really only 6:15?! It feels like bedtime already but I still need to go for a walk, make dinner, and pick up a ton of stuff off the floor.

Speaking of picking up stuff off the floor, guess who decided that the little potty chair makes a better toy chest than actual potty? My 2-year old didn't want to wear a diaper today, so I put his little potty in the living room so he could hopefully go sit there if he needed to go. He just kept putting his toys in. And finally when he did need to go, guess where it was? In the kitchen, on the floor. Just sat right down and let loose. Gross! So after I finished wiping up the mess on the floor I made my husband put a diaper on him. Little stinker.

I need to go jogging. I need the exercise but more important I need a break from this house! My jogs are the only time I can actually get out and think of nothing. I'm too busy feeling like my heart will explode to think of anything else. My husband is out watering the grass but as soon as he comes in I'm passing off the kids and taking off for a bit. And maybe I'll make him start dinner while I'm out. I make dinner every night, it's only fair that he take a turn once in a while and find out how hard it is to cook while holding a crying baby and keeping a toddler out of the cupboards lol.

New start

OK, I decided to start over. My first post royally stank so I just deleted it and decided to start fresh :)

My name is Kara. I'm a stay-at-home mom with 2 cute little boys. My oldest will be 2 in just a few days. I can't believe how fast time goes! One day he was this cute little baby cooing in my arms, the next he was learning to walk and say "Uh-oh!" and now he's becoming an independent little person with a mind of his own. Every day it seems he learns something new. And now we are kind of starting potty training. We are going slow and just following his lead, don't want to force him. Some days I think he's so smart and talented, and then I can't help but compare him to other kids his age who are more advanced. Someone recently was saying how their 2-year old little boy already knew all the letters, could count to 10, and knew colors and shapes. Jason knows what letters are but not what each individual one is, doesn't really count at all and doesn't know colors or shapes. I know he's not behind and really just fine for his age, but it's hard not to compare him to other kids his age who are so much smarter than the average 2-year old. I think every mother wants their child to be the best at everything and when they aren't they blame themselves. Maybe I don't try to teach him enough, maybe I didn't pass on any "smart" genes to him, maybe somehow I'm just not a good parent. Of course I know that's not true and my son is perfectly fine, but it's hard not to feel bad about it.

My younger son is almost 4 months old. He wants to be held a lot so it's hard to get anything done with him. He eats all the time and sometimes I can get him to nap a few hours, which is heavenly, cuz then I can get stuff done. He's a very happy baby though, most of the time. He smiles a lot and has a cute little laugh. He can already roll from tummy to back, he has been able to do it for a month, and he tries getting from back to tummy and almost makes it but get's stuck on his arm. My oldest hadn't even rolled tummy to back by this age. My baby just loves to move, he's always wiggling and hates being wrapped up. He wiggled himself off the couch one day and now I can't leave him alone there anymore. I think he'll probably crawl and walk early too, he just wants to move all the time. I'm going to be in lots of trouble once he can move around more!

Naptime is the most relaxing part of my day. The house is quiet, the boys are sleeping peacefully, and I have time to do whatever I want. This is the time I have to catch up on cleaning and spend time online without distractions. I usually do dishes and laundry then sit down to relax. Occassionally they will nap 2-3hrs. It is so nice just to have quiet time. I don't like cleaning, but being able to do it without interruptions is so much nicer than doing it one-handed while holding the baby and the 2-year old 'helping'.

Well, my baby's sleeping longer than normal, I better go check on him.